Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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