Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
