I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
