she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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