last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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