its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
