yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
