After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
