So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize