dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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