oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
