please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
