I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
