i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
