Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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