I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
