I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
