and next time when you feel me up, do it right
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
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