I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
