Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
