Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
