Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize