How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
