I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
