I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
