This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
