So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
