Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
