this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
