Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize