At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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