Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
