Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize