my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
