Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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