I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
