in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
