Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Drake has all the answers
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
