I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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