Just fell off a train. Bad.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
