She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
