big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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