Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
