Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
