I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You need a sexual gate keeper
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
