Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
