the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
