Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize