Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
