I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
