he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
