I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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