So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
