I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
