Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
