He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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