you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
