I hate your face
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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