im drinking this country out of the recession.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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