...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
