my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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