So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
