i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
