He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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