Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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