he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
