In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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